Love and attachment: two words that are frequently used together and sometimes even interchangeably. But is there a difference between these two! And if the love is real and worth fighting for, how do we release attachment and create healthy and liberated loving relationships. Here are seven ways to differentiate between love and attachment.
Differences Between Real Love and Attachment
1. Love is selfless, attachment is self-centered
When you are in love, you focus on making the other person happy. When you are attached to someone, you keep searching for ways in which they can make you happy. You don’t emotionally blackmail your partner, try to manipulate them, or seek to dominate the relationship. For the first time in your life, you want to put someone else’s needs before your own.
When it’s just attachment, you just want someone to be there before you. You’re not looking out for him or her — you’re looking out for you. Instead of confronting your own issues, you use your partner to improve your self-esteem and fill a void within you. You strongly believe that its their fault for your happiness and you tend to get angry at them for not being able of making the relationship better.
2. Love is liberating, attachment is controlling
When love is shared from both sides, it can show your personality. You and your partner, equally encourage each other to show your true self and also boosts your self-esteem. When loved, you can never feel controlled by your partner. Instead, it makes you feel more free than ever, allowing you to pursue your dreams.
Unlike love, Attachment make you feel controlling. You may play mind games with them, and even them spending time with friends will drive you mad . All this is an unhealthy way of dealing with a relationship. Manipulating also indicates this kind of a relationship, making them stay with you regardless of their feelings.
3. Love is accept his or her flaws, attachment is blaming
Though you know that your partner isn’t perfect, you accept him or her wholeheartedly if your love is true. If you are blaming him or her all the time reminding how much you are really struggling to accept the shortcomings of your partner then you may be just in an attachment phase that might never reach the stage of true love.
4. Love is mutual growth, attachment is blocking
When you’re in love, you and your partner will grow together. When both of you work to become the best versions of yourselves, you’ll become better than you could have on your own. In short, your partner stimulates your growth, and you do the same for them.
When it comes to attachment, you restrict the growth of both of the sides, which causes loving in an unhealthy way. You are attached your urge to control and your inability to solve your own problems forbids the growth with the other person.
5. Love is freeing; attachment is needing
Love is falling without even realizing it. It’s slow. It’s delicate. It’s being ok without that person. It’s letting that person have their own space. It’s wanting what is best for that person, even if it means not being in their life anymore. It’s accepting that sometimes, what is best for you, is not best for them.
Attachment is needing. It’s toxic. It’s only being ok when you are with that person. It is not being able to live without them. It is thinking that they are the reason you are on this earth. It is the idea that you are not complete without that person.
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6. Love is everlasting, attachment is temporary
When you’re in love — and I mean really in love — that’s it. Whether it works out or not, this person will always be the love of your life. You and your partner may ultimately breakup, be it temporarily or permanently. If you were truly in love, however, that person will always have a place in your heart and you will continue to wish them well for the rest of their life.
Attachment doesn’t work like that. Attachment is always on a deadline, always on standby. If you were merely attached to them, you will likely hold resentment after a breakup. You may even experience feelings of betrayal. Attachment isn’t real — it’s like a limbo for real love.
7. Love reduces your ego, attachment boosts your ego
When in love, you become less self-centered. You do not only do things together and rely on each other, but also you will fuel positive charges for both of you! You don’t feel like the center of that relationship. Your ego is reduced, growth fostered and you turn into a loving person. Your way of heart-to-heart communicating radiates positive energy, and sharing your weaknesses and exposing your vulnerabilities gets even easier for both of you.
When attached to someone, you feel like the whole world revolves around you. Its such an ego booster, and because of this , people fall into relationships that’s aren’t satisfying their needs. Working on your issues and looking for a solution represents a difficulty for you, and you start feeling like you can’t live without them.
If you aren’t in love right now, I sincerely hope that you will find your soul mate and build a magnificent relationship with that person. Until then, why not work on becoming a better and more loving version of yourself? Just don’t forget to love them unconditionally, because at the end of the day, that’s all it matters!